“You are the average of the 5 people you choose to surround yourself with.” –Jim Rohn
There are a lot of cliché quotes about success, but this isn’t one that you want to take for granted.
Whether you’re trying to get in shape, build a business, or advance your career, the people in your social circle will have a profound impact on your level of success.
This can be a double-edged sword.
If you’re hanging around people with audacious goals, it will push you outside of your comfort zone and ultimately pull you up to their level.
I recently joined a mastermind group with some of the top entrepreneurs in the fitness space. Nearly everyone in the group has a 7 figure business, or at least one close to it.
The positive energy in the room is literally contagious. Just being around these people a handful of times has helped propel my business to the next level.
On the contrary, if you’re hanging around toxic people, they will become an anchor to your goals and eventually sabotage your success.
And it only takes one toxic person to destroy you.
If you’re serious about your goals and are looking to take your life to the next level, you can’t let these people occupy space in your head.
It’s time to raise the rent and kick them out.
Here are 7 types of toxic people that you should consider cutting out of your life immediately:
1.) The “Bitch Listers”
These are the people that have a LONNNNNNNNG list of people to blame for why their life isn’t turning out the way they want it to. They constantly complain to others and are always playing the victim card.
- It’s their crappy bosses fault that they don’t have time to exercise 2-3 times per week.
- It’s their significant other’s fault that they aren’t happy in their relationship.
- It’s those goddamn Democrats fault that they haven’t achieved financial independence.
- And of course, if only TRUMP was out of office, then everything would just magically fall into place for them…
In my experience, the #1 variable that distinguishes the successful and unsuccessful is their level of complaining.
Bitch Listers seldom say anything positive.
They don’t see themselves as negative people and honestly believe they get the short end of the stick in every life encounter.
What they want from you is validation and sympathy.
If you merely suggest to them that they should consider taking responsibility, you’re labeled as a “mean.” Eventually, they will drag you down to their level of misery and self-pity.
Fortunately, there’s one simple way to pinpoint a Bitch Lister.
If you carefully listen to their endless list of excuses, you’ll realize that they all have one thing in common…
They always seem to leave themselves off their list.
2.) The Attention Seeker
The attention seeker is never satisfied.
No matter what you do, they always feel that they deserve more attention from you.
Nothing ever seems to be enough for them.
One phone call or text doesn’t suffice. They demand that you have to be more “persistent” to earn the right to speak with them.
These people are generally needy, annoying, and narcissistic.
They believe their world is simply more important than everyone else around them.
You only have a small amount of willpower and mental awareness each day.
Attention Seekers will literally deplete your energy levels if you let them. Your friendship will be completely one sided and it will feel more like a part-time job.
It’s not difficult to identify the energy vampires in your social circle. But in case there’s any ambiguity, here’s a good litmus test to use:
If you get a pit in your stomach when you see their name on your Caller ID, they are probably an Attention Seeker.
Axe them from your life.
3.) The “Askhole”
The Askhole is the one who is constantly nagging you for advice.
“I want to get in shape, so you can you write me a workout and diet plan?”
“Should I keep this terrible job that will pay me the same salary for the rest of my career?”
“Do you think I should stay in this negative relationship?”
At first, you’re happy to give your time, effort, and energy to the Askhole.
Perhaps you tell them what type of workouts and nutrition routines have worked well for you in the past.
You advise them to leave the negative relationship that they feel stuck in.
Or maybe you explain that a stagnant career with no opportunity for growth and advancement isn’t going to be a fulfilling one.
But then months go by and this person continues asking you for the same advice, over and over again.
This person is still out of shape.
Still miserable in their relationship.
And still stuck as a wage slave in the same monotonous job.
Regardless of how much time you spend trying to help an Askhole, they never actually do anything about it.
They constantly ask and never execute.
Askholes aren’t malicious people, but they will certainly waste your time and leave you feeling frustrated.
You might not need to cut them out completely, but you should definitely limit contact with them.
4.) The Gossiper
The Gossipers of the world never seem to have much going on in their own lives.
Deep down inside they know that if they talk about themselves, nobody would actually listen.
These insecurities prompt them to constantly bicker about other people’s lives.
They want to know exactly how much money all their peers are making.
They want to know the inside scoop of everyone else’s relationships.
Gossip garners drama…and drama creates attention.
If you have a Gossiper in your social circle, then please understand this one concept:
If someone gossips to you, they will gossip about you.
Gossipers are cancers that can create negativity at record pace.
Cut them loose. No exceptions.
You’ll thank me for it later.
5.) The Follower
The follower is literally incapable of making decisions for themselves.
They depend on people in their peer group and literally emulate every aspect of their life.
The follower’s behavior is once again predicated on insecurity.
They don’t have enough confidence to go out into the world without a set of training wheels.
They are completely reliant on others and will make you feel guilty if you don’t include them in everything you do.
When someone can’t function without you holding their hand, it’s probably time to create some much needed barriers.
6.) The Bully
The bully is someone who honestly thinks they can disrespect others and never be held accountable for their actions.
Unfortunately, they usually have good reason to believe this.
The bully can go years, decades, and even a lifetime without ever being called out for their actions. This silence perpetuates their behavior as they continue to hurt others around them.
I’m willing to bet you’ve encountered a bully at some juncture of your life.
Often times, they happen to be the biggest and tallest person in a peer group.
They use their stature as a source of intimidation and prey on smaller weaker people around them. But bullying doesn’t just have to be physical. In fact, it can manifest in a multitude of ways.
I’ve noticed that most bullies typically possess a nominal level of authority in their careers. The problem is that they assume this authority when they leave the classroom and impose it on everyone else around them.
I’ve also noticed that the vast majority of bullies share some very common traits:
Bullies are extremely calculated.
They are often perceived as “crazy” people.
But there’s nothing crazy or scary about a bully.
They intentionally seek out vulnerable people and attempt to take advantage of them.
Bullies also avoid strong morally sound people like the plague.
They will acquiesce to anyone who stands their ground and calls them out on their antics.
Below the surface, they are the weak ones. They are the cowards.
If you ever have an opportunity to call out a bully, DO IT.
You’re them a favor, along with the innocent sheep that they prey on.
7.) The Crab In The Bucket
You may have heard the old adage of “Crabs In A Bucket” before:
Basically, it goes like this:
If there are several crabs in a bucket, and one tries to climb out, the other crabs will do everything in their power to pull it back down.
The crab’s mentality is also prevalent with people:
“If I can’t have it, neither can you.”
In my opinion, the crab is most toxic person that you can associate with. They can also be the most difficult one to point out.
The crab normally isn’t a nemesis.
In fact, it’s usually someone close to you, whether it’s a family member or someone disguised as a friend.
The crab feels threatened by the success of others. It forces them to take an honest inventory of their own life choices, and they don’t like what they see in the mirror.
They want you to remain at their level so they don’t have to justify their mediocre existence.
Crabs will create distance from those who seek growth and abundance.
Your success reminds them of their own failures, so it’s much easier for them to ignore you when things are going well.
But crabs are always willing to drop everything and lend a “helping hand” the moment you encounter adversity.
If you’ve gained a bunch of weight, they’ll be the first ones to acknowledge it.
If you’re significant other cheats on you, they’ll be at your doorstep within the hour with a nice bouquet of flowers.
If you’re having marital problems, they will finally respond to your texts and want to meet for coffee.
Crabs will disguise their selfish intentions as if they’re trying to help you.
Don’t be fooled my friend.
They are patiently waiting at the bottom of the bucket to catch you when you fall.
The crab will always accommodate you when you’re in an inferior position to them.
But the second you experience success of any kind, these people are nowhere to be found.
Perhaps they don’t want to see you crash and burn.
But make no mistake about it my friend…
They can’t stand the thought of you doing one ounce better than them.
Pay very close attention to the people who aren’t happy to see you succeed. Having just one crab in your social circle is enough to sabotage your goals in life.
If you give them an opportunity to take you down, they will capitalize on it each and every time.
They are insidious.
Deep down inside, you know they want nothing more than to see you fail.
Kick the crabs to the curb.
And do it now.
You are the average your 5 closest friends, so choose wisely.
Take a serious audit of the people in your social circle.
Cut the fat out of your life and remove those that exhibit these toxic behaviors. But more importantly, replace them with those that are going to force you to play a level up in life.
Until next time,